The Osculation Incident
by Cassiopeia's
Summary: "Amy knows he likes their connection of minds and only that. If he ever wanted to have a physical relationship with another human being he would want it with a woman with different features and sexual attributes than Amy's." Takes place during and after 04x021 "The Agreement Dissection" and goes from there.


**So this takes place during and after 04x021 "The Agreement Dissection" and goes from there. Have fun.  
**

* * *

-The Osculation Incident-

Usually, Sheldon and his feelings do not really come into contact with each other. Normally, they keep a healthy distance which Sheldon is perfectly fine with. Tonight however, he's very much in tune with his emotions because he's irritated, annoyed and more than a little uncomfortable. His eidetic memory is not the only reason why he can count each and every time he's been drunk in his entire life so far. Growing up he hated his father's enjoyment of beer that later on rather turned into an addiction to almost every drop of alcohol he could get his meaty hands on. Of course he knows neither his girlfriend, tiny Bernadette or even Penny with her man-hands will cause him any harm while inebriated but he doesn't feel comfortable either way. Especially not since the alcohol seems to reduce Amy to her baser urges and the way she's staring at him and trying to cajole him into kissing her is making him both uncomfortable and by now even irritated. After all, Amy knows he likes their connection of minds and only that. If he ever wanted to have a physical relationship with another human being he would want it with a woman with different features and sexual attributes than Amy's. Not that he would ever say that aloud. While he isn't exactly known to be tactful due his lack of social understanding he has without intent been hurtful towards others often enough to know that saying aloud that he is not sexually aroused by his girlfriend would be a bad thing. Not that it would not be the truth but he knows in this case the truth is better kept in the dark.

Without his consent his gaze strays towards Penny out of the corner of his eyes. His blond neighbor who at times turns out to be the best friend he's ever had, is the only real woman he's ever been sexually attracted to. Actually right from the beginning but at the time he had not really understood what he was experiencing and then Leonard had quickly decided Penny was going to end up becoming Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter and judging by the fact that Penny had indeed entered a physical relationship with Leonard, Sheldon had backed his inappropriate, unwanted thoughts into the farest corner of his brilliant mind.

An hour later they are at this darn place and he is forced to dance with Amy and he hates every second of it. Amy is moving as gracefully as a hippopotamus and he wonders how anyone can think of this as fun because Bernadette is awkwardly waiting at the edge of the dance floor because it is apparently inappropriate for her to dance with another man while being engaged and he's watched Penny grabbing the Asian's hand off of her behind every other minute.

"Are you enjoying yourself?", Amy asks him over the music.

"Not particularly," he replies, refocusing on his girlfriend. "Actually, I'm loathing every second of this."

His honesty is apparently not appreciated because Amy's face darkens. "Sheldon, you're dancing with your girlfriend. It's something most men enjoy and use as an opportunity to 'cop a feel'."

He frowns and blinks. "Well, I am unlike other men," is all he says and turns to look over at Bernadette again. She's fighting off yet another potential suitor and Sheldon is reminded of a dance a long time ago his mother forced him to attend to. His sister had been pestered by young men and in the end his mother had made him dance with her in order to stop the boys from 'milking the cow'. He still doesn't know what a calver had to do with Missy's situation.

"Amy, if you will excuse me but I must follow my mother's orders now," he says and then lets go of the baffled brunette and quickly walks over to tiny Bernadette.

"I believe you're in need of a man who is not interested in you sexually."

Bernadette made a face. "What?"

He sighs. "I understand you do not wish to dance with other men because you, as incomprehensible as it may be, decided to marry Howard. As both his and your friend I am offering to dance with you in order to fend off any other potential suitors which I must point out might actually a more suitable option than the one you chose."

"Are you asking me to dance?", Bernadette translates and looks up at him surprised.

"Yes, indeed. I believe it's the most rational course of action since you're being pestered, my mother would kill me if she ever found out I did not do anything to prevent it and besides that Amy Farrah Fowler turned out to be a terrible dancer with no sense of rhythm whatsoever so my feet are killing me."

Bernadette bites her lip and looks around him. Sheldon follows her gaze and notices Amy, still on the dance floor, looking terribly confused. He shrugs and turns to face Bernadette again.

"What the hell," she says and then grabs his hand to pull him onto the dance floor. "It's been ages since I danced with a guy, especially a tall one. Thanks, Sheldon."

Sheldon gives her a curt nod. "You are welcome."

Dancing with Bernadette is very different. In all his life he has only ever danced with his sister and today Amy. Missy is almost as tall as he is and Amy is tall enough so that the difference in height is agreeable for dancing. Bernadette on the other hand is so tiny that she can barely reach his shoulder to rest her hand on but at least she does not constantly step on his toes. That is something, he thinks.

His intent gaze strays over to Penny again. Her partner does not seem to be a particularly good dancer either and Sheldon thinks Penny wouldn't have any problem leading the dance if it weren't for the wandering hands she apparently is busy keeping in check.

"Poor Penny," Bernadette says, following is gaze. "That guy apparently doesn't take a hint."

Something fierce takes hold of Sheldon as he frowns at the scene in front of him. He has seen Penny with various men over the course of the previous four years and it had never caused him to react to that. Maybe it's because she is clearly not happy about the attention to her backside but whatever the reason is, it quickly makes him spiral Bernadette towards Amy and with a quickly muttered "Excuse me", he's behind Penny two long steps later.

He quickly pats her shoulder, causing her and her partner to break apart so she can turn around. He does not wait for her to acknowledge him in a way that makes it clear for the other man that they know each other. Instead, he simply grabs her hand and pulls her right into his arms while his feet instantly start moving to the beat. Apparently, it takes Penny a second to realize what he has just done and she smiles thankfully at him.

"Thanks. He really was a pervert."

Sheldon frowns down on her as he leads them through the dance. Penny feels very differently in his arms than her two friends have. While Penny is certainly not as tiny as Bernadette she's nowhere near as bad a dancer as Amy either. Actually, Penny's feet move correctly and in perfect rhythm to his own and her figure fits perfectly into his arms. Up so close he doesn't even have to look down at her because they are almost eye to eye level.

"You weren't kidding before," Penny says with a surprised grin, "you really are quite a good dancer."

He gives her a nod. "My mother made sure of that," he replies and Penny grins at him.

"That's great because I love dancing and I haven't been in forever. Not like that."

And something in the way she smiles, the happiness he is able to identify in her eyes, makes him suddenly act impulsively.

"Hold on tight," he says before he starts twirling her around and spinning her in perfect rhythm and Penny's gleeful laughter makes the prolonged contact and fact that he is dancing all worth it.

Sheldon is unable to stop a smile as he watches her, even as he registers a drop of sweat creeping out of her blond hair slowly running down her temple. Penny is a little breathless and when the song is almost over and he pulls her back into his surprisingly tight embrace and smiles at him and it's so stunningly beautiful that it takes his own breath away and suddenly he feels an urge he never thought he would. His blue eyes drop to her mouth and it shocks him so much that he quickly leads them over to where Amy and Bernadette are waiting for them, just as the song comes to an end.

"Wow, you two were so good together!", Bernadette gushes and Penny laughs.

"Yeah, who knew moonpie was such an amazing dancer? I sure as hell gonna want that for my next birthday present, sweetie."

"Don't call me moonpie", is all he sighs because he's still too shocked by his reaction to really pay attention to anything. Otherwise he would have seen Amy's unhappy facial expression.

"Sheldon, what you did was rather rude," she complains, making her look at him with a frown on his face.

"Could you be more precise? I did a lot of things tonight."

She lets out a sound that's close to a growl. "You just left me standing in the middle of the dance floor looking like a fool." He thinks she looks angry.

His frown deepens and he opens his mouth to tell her how unreasonable she's being but Penny beats him to it.

"Actually, what he just did was pretty nice. Surprisingly a little cavemen, but nice."

"Yeah," Bernadette pipes up, "you don't know what it is like to have to fight off a man's unwanted attention."

Confused, Sheldon watches as Bernadette's and Penny's eyes widen as soon as she's closed her mouth and he is unable to read Amy's expression but she just turns around and leaves with fast steps.

"Amy!" Bernadette instantly follows her and Sheldon, unable to figure out what has just happened, turns to Penny.

"I would like an explanation, please."

Penny bites her lip, the happy, giddy look on her face from earlier gone. Instead she looks worried, he thinks. "Bernadette unintentionally made it sound as if Amy doesn't attract men und that hurt her very much."

He frowns. "She said no such thing."

Penny sighs and shots him an exasperated look. "Trust me, sweetie, she did."

Sheldon shrugs. "Even if she did, it does not make any sense for Amy to feel pain over it. It is the truth after all because from an evolutionary point of view the two of you are much more likely to attract members of the opposite sex since your attributes are much more attractive than Amy's. The phenomenon is called 'survival of the fittest' an Amy Farrah Fowler should be aware of that."

Penny smiled a little but rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, a woman wants to feel beautiful and hearing someone indicate otherwise, especially someone close to her is a pretty shitty thing."

He gives her a nod. On some level he can understand that. "Lucky for you then that you won't ever hear someone say that about you. You are beautiful after all." He doesn't really understand what makes him say it and apparently Penny is equally surprised because she blushes.

But then she finds her footing again and grabs his sleeve to pull him out of the establishment. "Moonpie, if I didn't know any better I would think you were flirting with me," she says with a grin.

He blinks. He isn't, is he? Surely not.

And as Sheldon lets her pull him out into the night he bans that idea to the back of his mind. "Don't call me moonpie," is all he replies.

* * *

Penny is still a little overwhelmed from the night's events so far and interestingly enough it's not the alcohol. The main reason why she even went out with Amy and Bernadette in the first place was because she's been down because of Leonard and Priya. Yet, after a little over an hour into their evening, those two have been the last thing on her mind. Instead, she's had lots of fun.

Dancing with Sheldon has really not been on her agenda and yet, it had been so much fun. Interestingly, they fit perfectly and holy crap on a cracker, the guy can dance. He surely is no Fred Astair but she hasn't danced with a guy like that in forever, certainly not with someone who sure had not to fear was only in it to cop a feel.

Even though Sheldon's had a pretty bad day because Priya was mean to him he was so nice tonight. However rude Amy might think he was, to her and Bernadette he has been incredibly sweet tonight. She knows he hates physical contact with other people, that he can hardly stand to hug his own mother and yet, without so much as a blink of an eye he not only saved Bernadette but also herself from an uncomfortable situation. Which is a pretty big thing, considering he usually does not pick up on anything being uncomfortable, especially not in the realms of social conventions.

It doesn't explain though why he suddenly started dancing with her like that. With anyone else she'd think he was either trying to impress her or was getting caught up in the moment. Yet, Sheldon couldn't have been either of those things.

But she doesn't think about it too hard because she's had ridiculously much fun with Sheldon tonight. She wasn't kidding when she said she was gonna want that for her birthday. Of course that was before Amy wanted practically wanted to kill her.

She lets out a sigh. She knows Amy over a year now and it certainly didn't take long before the brunette declared herself to be Penny's bestie and honestly, she is okay with Amy being part of their group but sometimes she is just too much. And to best honest, Penny doesn't always like how Amy talks to them. They all know how to deal with Sheldon and his eccentricities, but the reason that they all keep up with them is because they know Sheldon doesn't act like that out of spite or because he wants to hurt them. He doesn't ridicule others to make himself feel better. Amy, on the other hand, she isn't so sure about.

In her book, the biggest difference between Sheldon and Amy is that Sheldon is not self-conscious but has a lot of self-esteem. He grew up in a loving home and while his genius might have caused a lot of trouble with many people them being mean to him has never caused Sheldon to be unsure of himself or his abilities.

Amy is an entirely different story.

"I would like to come inside," Sheldon suddenly says and with a start Penny realizes they have not only finished their ride with the cab but that they've also reached their floor.

Sheldon has led her to her apartment to and is now standing behind her.

She frowns a little upon discovering she must have been pretty lost in her own thoughts for a while. Quickly grabbing her keys out of her little big, she opens her door and steps into her apartment. As usual, Sheldon's first action is to survey her apartment's hygiene with a quick glance and there was a time when she felt insulted by that but by not she doesn't even blink.

"Do your worst," she says as she moves to her bedroom, "I'm just gonna change into something more comfortable real quick."

She thinks she hears him snort but she's not really paying attention. Instead, she grabs her phone and tries texting Bernadette for an update on Amy while simultaneously trying to get out of her dress. A quick glance to her bedroom wall tells her it's barely after eleven. She changes into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before quickly finishing her text and walking back into her living room where Sheldon has apparently already finished cleaning up enough so that he is able to take a seat.

"Like I said, sweetie, I think you were pretty sweet tonight but just for the sake of it I'd go apologize to Amy tomorrow if I were you," Penny says to him as she starts a pot of tea.

With a confused frown on his handsome face, Sheldon turns around in his spot to look at her.

Handsome face?

"Why would I do that?"

Penny rolls her eyes upon his cluelessness. "Because her feelings are hurt and she's your girlfriend."

Sheldon doesn't say anything for a while but Penny doesn't care because she's preparing two cups of tea instead. Once she's finished his exactly as she knows he likes it and poured herself some as well, she makes her way over to where he is seated on his couch.

"Thank you," he says, taking the cups she's handing over to him and then she suddenly feels like his gaze lingers on her which shouldn't be weird because he does that sometimes, staring at people. But strangely his words come back into her head.

 _You are beautiful after all._

She slightly shakes her head. What is wrong with her? Just because they danced which felt pretty great doesn't mean she should be thinking these things about him. _What_ is she even thinking? She doesn't know.

"I realized something after our outing in that bar tonight, Penny," Sheldon suddenly says, catching her a little off guard because she's been too lost in her own thoughts again.

She smiles at him. Even if she gives him hell sometimes, Sheldon has always been coming to her if he needed help. She's always liked that about him, knowing that he trusts her, even though he doesn't do that very easily.

"What did you realize, honey?", she asks and then, upon hearing his reply, not only does her smile drop but she also starts coughing.

"That I am ready for a kiss, an intentional one on my part," he clarifies.

Wide eyed, Penny tries not to suffocate on her tea. Confused, Sheldon pets her back in order to get the warm liquid out of her windpipe.

There's no way he just said what she thinks he did, right?

"What?"

He fixes her with an annoyed glare. "I am certain I articulated myself quite clear."

"Humor me."

"Earlier everyone pointed out to me that every experience in relation to osculation I made so far were not 'real kisses'," he explains, using his long fingers for air quotes.

"So?", she asks, "I mean you are pretty sure you hate touching people and germs and you've never been interested in kissing before."

He watches her for a moment and again, his look his strangely intense. "Penny, I am probably the most intelligent person of our generation. Anatomically, I know everything there is about kissing. I can name every muscle involved. Considering what I've read and that most of the human race likes to participate in the act, it is safe to assume it to be an enjoyable activity. Yet, every form of osculation I've yet experienced left me in utter disgust."

"That's what I just said," Penny points out and Sheldon shoots her another glare for interrupting him.

"However after what Bernadette said tonight…" He trails off and shrugs and Penny can't help but stare at him because Sheldon never lets his statements unfinished and never just shrugs.

"Are you drunk?", she can't help but ask, only to have him shake his head at her derisively.

"You know I do not drink, Penny."

She closes her eyes for a second and wonders if maybe _she's_ drunk.

Then another thought enters her head and she looks at him again. "Amy will be over the moon. She's been dying for you to come around."

She frowns at herself upon realizing she doesn't feel particularly happy about the thought of Sheldon and Amy kissing. Which is weird because Sheldon's one of her closest, maybe even her best friend. She should be happy for him. Yet, she isn't.

"I am not planning on kissing Amy," Sheldon suddenly informs her and Penny feels thrown off guard all over again.

"What?"

Yeah, what the hell? Sheldon might be cute with the tall dark and handsome appearance but as soon as he opens his mouth most people aren't exactly hot for him.

"I imagine it would be similar to being kissed by Leonard's mother which is something I am not particularly interested in," Sheldon says and then slides forward. "So, may I start now?"

With her eyes wide and disbelieving, Penny suddenly has a very bad feeling. "Start what?", she asks slowly and even before the questions has fully left her mouth she already knows the answer.

The look he gives her isn't exactly flattering. "How I understand it there needs to be a physical attraction. The only female I know to whom this applies is you, Penny."

"What?", she asks again, quite stupidly, but she can't help it because he can't be serious, can he? He's got a girlfriend and she's kind of broken hearted over Leonard and here he thinks having his first real kiss with her sounds like a good idea? What the hell is wrong with him?

She opens her mouth to tell him off but he doesn't wait for her. Instead, he simply bridges the rest of the gap between them and presses his lips experimentally against hers.

Which should feel weird and horrible and should definitely freak her out and yet, her lips tingle and her stomach drops and before she knows what's even happening, she's got her left hand buried in his short dark hair and his long fingers have cupped her face deliciously. From the moment she met him Penny knew he was a genius with a beautiful mind and an ability to learn like no one she ever met before. And to her horror that apparently applies to kissing as well because it feels like after a heartbeat he's already acing kissing and she involuntarily lets out a little moan.

How can this be so freaking good?

His lips slightly pull on her upper lip and suddenly her stupid mouth opens and she darts her tongue out and the ever fast learner of course mimics her movement and oh god, just like that she and Sheldon freaking Cooper are French kissing.

They are both breathing heavily and her hands are both tightly wrapped around his head, pulling at his hair, clutching his shoulders while his have dropped down to her waist and hot, all-consuming arousal shoots right through her, making her pull him over her. He lets out a groan, that sounds aroused and manly and she really, really wants him now.

The fog of heat is suddenly lifted from her eyes when Sheldon all but jumps away from her. His eyes are wide and fearful but she instantly notices how they took on a much darker shade of blue and that his pupils are dilated. She doesn't need to see the bulge in his pants to know he's physically all but ready to take her right here on her couch.

The look on his face however lets her know that he's pretty freaked out.

Which is an understatement in her book because damn it all to hell what did just happen? Holy crap on a cracker the guy could kiss. She can hardly remember having been kissed that thoroughly. Helplessly, she licks her lips which makes her taste him all over again and his wide eyes involuntarily follow her movement.

"Penny," he says quietly, his voice shaky and husky because he's terrified and horny. It's pretty earth shattering thought. Sheldon Cooper horny? It makes her traitorous body hum and zing in all the right places.

"How was that for a real kiss?"

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say because Sheldon's eyes widen even further and then he's running, leaving her shocked, hot and bothered on her couch, wondering what the hell just happened.


End file.
